Part 4
• We are told “laughter is the best medicine” – it increases EEG activity in left brain that releases endorphins (opiates) that have an analgesic and immune-boosting effect, while also improving oxygen uptake and vasodilating peripheral vessels (red face).
Truth be told, we need to laugh more – as adults, only laugh ~15x / day in comparison to kids who laugh ~400 x/day. So, share a few laughs, especially at your own expense – let people know you’re fallible and human after all. It is deeply rooted with bonding and building relationships. Although females generally smile and laugh more than males (87 % vs. 67 %), is it hardwired into our DNA or attributed to other reasons (e.g., societal roles)?
Baby girls smile more than baby boys –that helps explain genetics, but in dating, females see the ability to make them laugh as a dominant trait in men. Although smiling makes more approachable, excessive smiling may be perceived as a sign of being more subordinate as they smile more in presence of a dominant person in both friendly and unfriendly environments. This may have some negative professional implications (i.e., being passed over for a leadership position). On the flip side, men should consider the benefits of smiling more social settings.
Slightly related, but interesting to note is that in unfriendly or stressful environments we think of our “flight or fight” response, but some theories points to women responding with a “tend-and-befriend” response as their coping mechanism (from our Paleolithic ancestors – to gather children and seek support while the men fight). May offer some explanation to smiling differently. Nonetheless, smile and warm up someone’s day…
Part 5
• Continuing with rapport: Ever considered the intention behind your handshake? Are you quick to assume that someone wants to shake your hand upon first meeting? If I extend my hand to shake yours as a friendly gesture, have I obligated your to reciprocate?
The handshake is supposed to help establish a physical anchor to the forthcoming dialogue, but it may communicate the wrong tone. Play it safe – extend your hand slightly, palm-open (facing upward – an inviting position) and if the person begins to reciprocate, continue forward into a firm shake. But, if they don’t, you can still recover by cupping both hands together rather than feel left out there hanging.
Compliment your shake with some positive, personalized dialogue (e.g., using their name – “a pleasure to meet you Angelica [as you smile and lean forward], what a great and unique name, and I am looking forward to learning more about you”). Be careful of your hand position – my hand over yours (i.e., palm facing downward) implies dominance (even negating or nullifying); palm-up implies a submissive stance, but your safest bet is with the top of both thumbs facing upward (i.e., palms perpendicular to the floor) = neutral; double-grasping (i.e., cupping a hand with both of your hands) is reassuring to some (e.g., an older client fearful of falling), but disarming to others (e.g., disarming someone intentionally trying to be dominant).
This also applies to placing your other hand along their forearm or upper arm. However, you also need to be sensitive to cultural differences. Europeans generally shake 1 – 3 times; Americans up to 5 or 6 times; any less may be perceived as distant or uninterested. Therefore, do your homework and shake hands with intention, but know your intention. Now, ever considered how others interpret hand gestures and pointing …?
Part 6
While exceptions always apply, an open palm or palm-up position is generally considered inviting, but also regarded as a submissive gesture. Good speakers aiming to engage their audience often use this position to connect with their listeners.
On the flip side, watch a couple walking and holding hands, and you may observe the male (usually the more dominant partner) walking slightly in front with his palm facing backward while her palm faces forward. The closed palm is often interpreted as aggressive, deceitful or lying; whereas the palm-down position coveys a position of authority, both of which are not appropriate when building rapport.
Likewise, finger-pointing is considered a negative authoritative position that often leads to people listening less as they feel more intimidated or threatened by the speaker. A good option to consider is the index finger squeeze-to-thumb, with the thumb pointed forward, a strategy used by ex-president Bill Clinton to convey important information, but in a non-threatening manner.
Other hand gestures including fingers placed in a steeple position in front of the face; hands or fingers covering / touching the mouth; nose or ear touching; head or chin support, chin stroking; hand rubbing; fists in front of face, in the crotch region or on a desk; and hands placed behind your back all have hidden messages, thus we should all pay attention to any potential mixed messages we may be communicating.
Finally, always be aware of cultural differences as many gestures have very different meaning amongst different cultures. For example, the 2-finger V-sign, the traditional ‘OK’ symbol or even the thumbs-up sign are all considered positive gestures in the U.S., but have less than positive connotations in some cultures.
Contributed by : Mr Fabio Comana